Formula 119 presents... Data : I have found that humans value their uniqueness, that sense that they are different from everyone else. The existence of a double would preclude that feeling. Could that be the source of the friction? Worf : Well, perhaps it is more a matter of seeing something in your double, something you do not like in yourself. -- Excerpt of discussion between Worf and Data discussing Cmdr. Riker's discovery of his twin in ST:TNG "Second Chances" -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= R A N M A 1 / 2 TWO SIDES OF THE COIN Written by Benares -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Part One (Opening scene : it is late night in Japan. The full moon is brightly shining over the cityscape of Tokyo's Nerima district. The view shifts downward so that we are looking directly over a familiar little house with a small pond and a traditional-style dojo situated within its fence. We move down to an open window in the house's second story and look at the room inside. On the floor are a couple of lumps sleeping under blankets. The blankets move up and down with each breath, and loud snoring can be heard from the closest lump. We move into the window and take a closer look at the sleepers. The lump closest to the window is huge and covered in black and white fur, the lump next to it is a boy with black hair and a pony tail. Both seem to be sleeping quite soundly, so soundly that they don't notice the door to their room slowly slide open. A small shadowy figure quietly sneaks into the room with a devilish grin on his old face. After looking around for any signs of danger he moves up next to the sleeping boy, and from out of his shirt he pulls a camera, a bra, and a small incense burner) Happosai (rubbing his hands together and chuckling fiendishly) : Gehehehe... I'll see my Ranma-chan in a bra THIS TIME! (fumbling around on himself) Now where'd I put those matches? (Happosai looks around through his shirt and finally finds a matchbox. He goes to work trying to ignite the small black incense burner, but his first six attempts fail as the matches keep going out. Finally Happosai is able to get a match to stay lit and moves to light the incense burner. However, before he can set match to flame...) Ranma (grabbing Happosai by the neck and kicking away the incense burner) : Dammit, you persistent old goat!! Don't you EVER give up?! Happosai : Never! I'll never give up on my Ranma-chan! (Happosai takes a hold of Ranma's wrist and quickly breaks his grip on his neck. He then flings Ranma into and through the wooden floor. Through the dust and splinters Happosai looks around for the burner and sees it lying next to the still-snoring panda. As he moves to pick it up, the panda rolls over and lies on the burner. Happosai strains to budge him, but the panda is remaining perfectly stationary. Happosai rears back ready to punt the panda through the window, when the sounds of footsteps running up the stairs and down the hall steadily grows. A wet Ranma-chan covered in sawdust and wearing a toilet seat around her neck bursts through the door. Happosai's eyes light up) Happosai : Oh, sweet!! My Ranma-chan is here! Here (pulls out the bra), put this on! Ranma-chan (panting and obviously very unhappy) : That's it, I'm going to kill you, you little letch! Happosai (giving puppy-dog eyes) : What? Are you threatening a poor defenseless old man? This is so sad! (reaches into his shirt) I must teach you to respect your elders. (Happosai pulls out a lit Happodaikarin bomb. Ranma's eyes fly open and she puts her hands on her head for protection. Happosai prepares to throw the bomb at her, but when he swings he discovers that nothing comes out of his hands. He looks around confused, and eventually notices Akane standing over him with the bomb in hand. Her eyes have bags under them, and she has a very annoyed look on her face) Happosai : Wha...? My happodaikarin! Akane (mustering her non-existent patience) : DO - YOU - KNOW - WHAT - TIME - IT - IS?! (Ranma-chan slowly opens her eyes and pats herself, making sure she hasn't been blown up. She then looks up and notices Akane standing at the door with the lit bomb in her hand) Ranma-chan (panicked) : AKANE! THE BOMB!!! Akane (still groggy) : Hm? (Akane looks at the bomb without interest; the fuse is almost gone. Happosai and Ranma simultaneously scream and duck down behind the panda, who has so far slept through everything. Akane scowls at the two and snuffs the fuse out with her fingers. Happosai and Ranma look up from behind the panda and sigh. Then Ranma-chan looks at Happosai and angrily strangles him) Ranma-chan : You old bastard! (drops Happosai and kicks him out the window like a football. Happosai flies wailing through the night sky with a trail of smoke behind him) Take THAT, you little pervert. Akane (rubbing her eyes) : What did he want this time? (Ranma-chan lifts the panda onto one side, pulls out the burner, and lets the panda drop back to the floor. The panda is still snoring away) Ranma-chan (holding out the burner) : He was trying to split my male and female sides with this stupid thing again. Akane : Doesn't he ever learn? (takes the burner) How many times has he tried to use this on you, anyway? Ranma-chan : This makes six. We need to get rid of that thing once and for all. Akane : But every time we hide it Happosai finds it. (thinks for a second) Maybe we could give it to Shampoo's grandmother. Cologne (standing outside the broken window) : That is a very good idea (Ranma and Akane bounce away from the window in surprise). Ranma-chan (clutching her chest) : Don't do that! Akane (holding out the burner) : Can you do something about this? (Cologne takes the burner and gives it a good look-over. She shakes her head and chuckles to herself) Ranma-chan : What's so funny? Cologne : Poor Happy. He wouldn't have gotten it to work this time, either. Ranma-chan : Eh? Cologne : He never bothered to read the instructions (points to some barely legible writing on the burner's side). Ranma-chan : You mean... It would actually work? He could really undo my curse? Without creating an evil, super-powerful copy of my female self? Cologne : Well, no, there would be no super-powerful or evil demon. But... Ranma-chan (grabbing the burner and looking closely at the side) : I can undo this curse?! I won't have to be a woman anymore?!! Cologne : It isn't what you think. It doesn't UNDO the curse, it... Ranma-chan (reading the side) : It has instructions for a ritual!! It can actually work!! Cologne (becoming annoyed) : Son-in-law! Are you listening to me? (Ranma-chan is obviously not listening since she has become completely enthralled with the writing on the side. Cologne frowns at her. Akane has been paying more attention, though) Akane : What is it, grandmother? What will the burner do? Cologne (still staring annoyedly at Ranma) : Never mind. He's so certain of himself, he might as well discover the consequences of his actions on his own. (turns to leave) Just remember, that which may seem like a blessing to one can be torture for another. (Cologne jumps out the window and leaps across rooftops heading for the Nekohanten until she has disappeared from sight. Akane sighs and looks at Ranma; she's still reading over the instructions with a large grin on her face. The panda is still asleep. Akane catches a glimpse of the wall clock; it's almost 3:00 AM. She takes another look at Ranma) Akane (thinking) : I hope you know what you're doing, Ranma. (As Akane leaves the room she yawns and stretches, then notices that she's still holding the Happodaikarin. She stares at it, then looks at Ranma's room with a frown. She opens a nearby desk drawer and pulls out a box of matches) Akane : This is for waking me up so early! (with that she lights the Happodaikarin and absently tosses it in the door while returning to her room. There is only silence as Akane walks into her room and closes her own door. After a few more seconds there is a loud shout of surprise from Ranma's room, then a gigantic KABOOM! as the doors shatter outward and a few pictures fall off the walls. Eventually the house stops shaking and the smoke stops billowing from the hole in the wall that was once Ranma's doorway. The view shifts so that we see the inside of Ranma's room. The walls are covered in a black blast pattern centering at where Ranma-chan is squatting. Her left hand is still holding the burner, her right hand is out as though it was holding something. Her hair is black and plastered backwards and she is covered in soot) Ranma-chan (after she stops coughing) : AKANE NO BAKA!!! Panda (sits up and hits Ranma over the head with a sign) : [Be quiet!] (with that he goes back to sleep) (the next morning we see the whole family sitting at the breakfast table. The burner is at the center of the table. Everyone is looking carefully at it) Soun : So this burner that caused so much trouble before can actually be put to good use? Ranma : I carefully studied the instructions on the side. It should work perfectly as long as they're done properly. Akane (feeding P-Chan some of her breakfast) : I don't know Ranma. Grandmother warned that it had some bad side affects or something like that... Ranma : Aaah, what would an old ghoul like that know? I'm SURE this can't fail. Genma : I'm inclined to agree with Akane. Ranma : What are you talking about? You slept through the whole thing! Genma (looking worriedly at the burner) : That thing gives me the creeps, that's all. Ranma : You're just scared because of what happened to you last time. (we cut back to a year ago. Happosai is trying to use the burner to make another Ranma-chan but has used it on Genma by accident and has created a demon-panda. It is spartan, but we see a few scenes of interest : Genma wandering around like a zombie talking about how wonderful the panda is, Ranma and company fighting the demon-panda, Akane slapping a magical ward on the panda's head, the panda disappearing and Genma returning to normal) Genma : Of course I'm scared! Ranma : Well, I'm going to take a chance and use it. Soun : If you have chosen to take the risk then I'm sure we will all help you cure yourself as best we can. Right? (everyone, except Genma, nods in agreement) Ahem, RIGHT Saotome-kun? (Genma reluctantly nods) Ranma : Thanks. Okay (pulls out a sheet of paper with some writing on it), we're going to need (reads the list) some mistletoe, bay leaves, a fresh fish, some oil, a cauldron full of boiling water... (Ranma reads through the list. Some of the items are in the kitchen, but most have to be sought out elsewhere. Ranma and the Tendos spend a good part of the day tracking down the items, and finally by mid- noon the components have been collected and are being mixed together by Kasumi with Ranma carefully watching over the process. Akane is standing at the kitchen entryway looking upset) Akane : Why can't I help make the recipe? Ranma : In case you didn't hear, I said this has to be done PROPERLY. If you did this I would certainly end up following that demon-Ranma again. Or maybe a whole PLATOON of them. Or worse... (shudders thinking about it) Kasumi : How long should it cook? Ranma : Just until it boils. Kasumi (lifting the cauldron off the stove) : Then it's done. (Ranma takes the cauldron from Kasumi and carries it into the dojo. He's practically bouncing off the ceiling in excitement. He looks at the slowly- solidifying concoction as he sets it down) Ranma : I'm gonna be a man! I'm gonna be a man! I'm gonna be a man! Nabiki : I thought you already were a man. Ranma : Well, I'm, uh, going to STAY a man! I'm going to STAY a man! (Genma is placing wards on the dojo walls. The incense burner is at the center of the dojo's floor. Ranma takes an empty pitcher and scoops out a good quantity of the concoction. It has changed from a liquid into some sort of dirty gray gel. He pours it in a circular pattern with a five-foot radius around the burner. He then leads a trail of it from the circle to the burner's open side and onto its wick. He discards the empty pitcher and prepares to light the burner) Ranma : Okay, everyone ready? Remember, if the demon-Ranma appears slap those wards on her so I don't have to go through that mess like last time. Soun (holding up the wards) : Right. Ranma : Well, here goes. Everyone stay back. (is about to strike the match but suddenly stops) Oops, almost forgot. To be on the safe side, Pop, you'd better stay out of the dojo. And take Ryo... P-Chan with you. Akane (hugging P-Chan in her arms) : Why should he take P-Chan? He's not cursed or anything (both Ranma and P-Chan begin to sweat). Ranma : Er, well, I, uh, don't want him getting sick from the smoke. You know how small animals are (pokes P-Chan in the nose. P-Chan bites his finger) Akane (worriedly) : Uh, well... Okay. (hands P-Chan over to Genma) Just be careful with him. (Genma walks out of the dojo with P-Chan in hand and closes the doors tightly. Ranma gives everything one more look-over to make sure everything is set right, then steps within the circle and strikes the match. He sits down next to the black incense burner and lights the wick. At first the wick starts to produce a small amount of smoke. Suddenly the gel on the wick is ignited. The trail of gel begins to smoke violently until it hits the circle, then the circle itself starts to produce incredible amounts of smoke. However, the smoke is not moving beyond the circle's boundaries. Ranma is completely engulfed in the the thick clouds and breathes in deeply. Nothing happens. The heat and taste of the incensed smoke burns his mouth and lungs, but he continues to breathe in. Still nothing happens. Outside of the smoke the Tendos are standing, waiting for somebody to come out) (all of a sudden Ranma is overcome with a wave of incredible cold. He feels dizzy for a second, but the sensation passes. He takes a quick look at the burner and notices the wick has gone out. Outside of the circle the shield keeping in the vapors collapses and the smoke pours out everywhere) (all of a sudden Ranma is overcome with a wave of incredible heat. He feels dizzy for a second, but the sensation passes. He takes a quick look at the burner and notices the wick has gone out. Outside of the circle the shield keeping in the vapors collapses and the smoke pours out everywhere) (the Tendos are coughing from all the excess smoke. Soun moves over to the ventilation system and turns on the fan. Slowly the air begins to clear, but not by much. Akane looks around the room for Ranma) Akane : Ranma !! Ranma, where are you? Are you okay?! (Ranma hears Akane's calls and moves towards them. He tries to call out that he's alright but his throat is completely congested from the smoke. Eventually he sees her from behind and walks up to her. Ranma pats her on the shoulder and she turns around looking straight at him. At first she stands there silently, then her eyes get wide and panicky as she looks at Ranma's face, and his small body, and his red hair, and his breasts, and...) Akane (screaming out) : AAAAAGGGHHH!!! It's the DEMON! (Akane decks Ranma-chan, knocking her across the room and into someone. Soun looks down at a groggy Ranma-chan and then reacts much like his daughter) Soun (screaming out) : AAAAAAGGGHHH!!! It's the DEMON! (Soun tries to strike Ranma-chan, but this time she's prepared and rolls out of the way. When she's clear she maneuvers to a corner of the room) Ranma-chan (thinking) : What are those idiots doing?! (she looks at herself) Oh great, that stupid burner not only screwed up again, it turned me into a woman! That's it, when I get this straightened out I'm throwing the blasted thing in the garbage compactor. (Ranma-chan gets up and moves toward to center of the room where the burner was. As she gets nearer she turns around to make sure no one's behind her. However, as she's backing up she bumps into somebody. She feels around and notices it's a man's body. Slowly she turns around, expecting to see Soun standing behind her. She turns around completely and looks straight at Ranma-kun's face) Ranma-chan (staring blankly and pointing) : Gah... Ranma (staring blankly and pointing) : Gah... (the two just stand there and stare, jaws dropped. The smoke finally clears and the Tendos can finally see it : Ranma-male and Ranma-female one foot from the other staring at each other. Each just stares in shock, until the initiative is finally taken) Ranma-chan and Ranma (pouncing away and looking at the Tendos) : Quick, get it! It's the demon-Ranma!! No I'm not! Yes, you are! Will you stop that? I'm warning you! Stop saying what I'm saying! (the Tendos just stand there confused. It looks like Ranma-chan and Ranma are about to settle their discussion with their fists when Nabiki breaks in) Nabiki (standing between the two Ranmas) : Hold it! Which one is the real Ranma? Ranma and Ranma-chan : I am! No you're not! I told you to stop that! Akane : I guess we're about to find out. (Akane pulls out two wards and places them on both Ranmas at the same time. Each Ranma looks at the other with confidence, expecting the other to disappear. Nothing happens. They stare some more. Nothing happens. Eventually they both grow impatient) Ranma and Ranma-chan (grabbing a large stack of wards) : Can't you do anything right? (the two begin to plaster each other with wards. Neither Ranma is being affected, but they keep at it until they have nothing left in hand and are completely covered in wards. After the "battle" is over the two just look at each other dumbfounded) Soun : We seem to have a problem here. Genma (bursting in the doors) : Is everything done? Did it work? (looks at the two Ranmas. They look back. Genma faints) Kasumi : Oh dear. Akane : I know how to settle this (runs out of the dojo and comes back with two cups of water). This one has cold water (splashes it on Ranma-male), and this one has hot water (splashes it on Ranma-female)... Ranma : YOWW!! HOT! Ranma-chan : YAAAGH!! COLD! Akane : Oops, I mixed them up... Nabiki (rolling her eyes) : I'll do it (leaves the dojo and comes back with two cups. Splashes each Ranma with water. Neither changes) Ranma and Ranma-chan : YEEAARGH! Will you people stop that?! Soun : Mixed up again. Nabiki : No, I got them with the right cups. Kasumi : Perhaps the cure worked after all (at this the Ranmas look in surprise at Kasumi. Then Ranma-male's eyes pop wide open). Ranma : It WORKED?! (Ranma runs out of the dojo and into the house. Genma and the Tendos follow him into the kitchen. Ranma turns on the cold water and dunks his head in the sink. He then feels himself for breasts. Nothing, just a standard male chest) Ranma (leaping into the air) : I'M CURED!! I'mcuredI'mcuredI'mcured!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!! (Ranma returns to dunking his head in the cold sink water) Nabiki : Congratulations, Ranma. Genma (crying) : My son is finally cured! I'm so happy! Soun (crying) : What a wonderful day! (Ranma begins to dance around the room. Genma and Soun join in, waving about rising-sun fans. Meanwhile Akane is scratching her chin and frowning) Nabiki : What's wrong Akane? I thought you'd be happy when Ranma was cured. Akane : I don't know... I'm happy for him and all, but I can't help thinking we've forgotten something. Kasumi : Perhaps we have (points back towards the dojo). Akane : Uh oh. (the Tendo sisters run back to the dojo. Inside, Ranma-chan is still standing there looking blankly at empty space in a state of shock) Akane (snapping her fingers in front of Ranma-chan) : Ranma? Hello, Ranma? (Ranma-chan remains frozen in place. Akane starts to shake her by the shoulders) Hey, Ranma! (Ranma-chan snaps out of her stupor) Ranma-chan : NO! IT CAN'T BE!! (Ranma-chan runs out of the dojo and into the house with the girls following. She runs through the dancing men and makes her way to the bathroom. The Tendos slowly catch up, and when the men have picked themselves up off the floor they follow. Ranma-chan turns the shower on full blast until it gets warm and jumps in. Everyone just looks at her confused) Ranma-chan : NO! Nothing's happening!! (turns up the temperature) Come on, dammit! (checks herself. She still feels a pair of breasts under her shirt. Ranma-chan turns up the heat even more. Nothing happens) Shit! Akane : Uh, Ra-Ranma...? You'd better stop soon. Ranma-chan : No! It's got to work eventually! I'm not going to stay this way! (turns the knob until it won't go any farther. The shower is full of steam) Akane : Come on, get out. That's too hot. (tries to pull her out of the shower. Ranma-chan holds herself in place) Soun : Ranma-k... Ranma, Akane is right. Get out of the shower (Soun pulls on Ranma-chan. She still refuses to budge. Soun and Akane pull at the same time. Then Genma joins in. He is followed by Ranma-kun. Ranma-chan is holding onto the shower doors with all her strength trying to keep her head under the scalding water. Eventually she is overpowered and pulled out of the shower. The group holds her to the floor) Ranma-chan : Dammit, let go! I've just got to stay under a little longer! Akane : Stop struggling. It wouldn't make any difference how long you stay under there, anyway. Look (releases Ranma-chan's left arm), you're completely burnt. (Ranma-chan looks at her arm. It is red and blistered. She stops struggling and is slowly released) Ranma (scratching his head) : I don't get it. What happened? Soun : It seems your incense burner has created a female double. Ranma-chan : I'm not a double! That guy's got to be a fake! Ranma : YOU'RE the fake! Ranma-chan : You jerk! Ranma : You idiot! Ranma-chan : Wimp! Ranma : Geek! Ranma and Ranma-chan : Why you...! (the two start fighting. Akane and Soun pull away Ranma-chan, Genma and Nabiki grab Ranma-kun) Akane : Stop that! Ranma-chan : HE started it! Ranma : No I didn't! Genma : So which one is the copy? Nabiki : Maybe BOTH are real. (the Ranmas scowl at her. Nabiki shrugs her shoulders) It's possible... Akane (to Ranma-male) : She may be right. You both act the same, and it looks like you both know the same things. Soun (to Ranma-chan) : And you both look the same... Well, maybe not the SAME same, but the same in that, uh... that is, um... Akane : We get it, father. Ranma-chan : This is stupid. I know how to find out which one of us is which. We can fight each other. The winner is the real Ranma. Ranma : Sounds good to me. Akane : Now hold on a second... Ranma-chan : In the dojo. Now! Akane : Hey, wait! (her protests fall on deaf ears. Both Ranmas run for the dojo. Soun just shrugs and follows them along with the rest of the group. As they approach the sounds of fighting can be heard inside. Apparently the two Ranmas have already started without them. The group enters the dojo and sees the Ranmas duking it out) Ranma : I'll beat you into the ground! Ranma-chan : Yeah? You and what army, jackass?! Ranma : Ugly! Ranma-chan : Stupid! Ranma : MORON! Ranma-chan : LOSER! Ranma and Ranma-chan : DIIIEEEE!!! (the Tendos sit and watch as the two Ranmas fight. After an hour it is obvious that they are both equally skilled, since both have countered every punch and matched every defense of the other. After another hour the sun begins to go down and the Ranmas are still stuck in a deadlock. Kasumi calls everyone in for dinner. The family leaves the fight and gets filled with Kasumi's delicious cooking. Eventually Genma and Soun have gotten into a game of shogi, Akane is doing homework, Nabiki is watching TV and Kasumi is cleaning house. When Akane has finished her homework she takes a look at the clock; it is 10:00 PM. She decides to see how the Ranmas are doing, so she heads out to the dojo. As she opens the doors...) Ranma : YAAAAH! Ranma-chan : YAAAAH! (WHAM! Both Ranmas are in midair with a fist in the other's jaw. They just float there for a second, then slump to the ground unconscious. Akane walks in and surveys the damage; the rest of the family wanders in behind her) Nabiki : I guess it's a tie. Soun (in tears) : Aaagh! My beautiful dojo! (the dojo is a complete disaster. All of the walls are broken in numerous spots, and there are a number of holes in the floor and ceiling. There is a black scar across the remains of the floor where the burner and its gel were used. Kasumi comforts a weeping Soun) Akane : Well, I suppose that means they're both the real Ranma. So now what do we do? Kasumi : I suggest we all go to bed. Tommorow is a school day and you need to get some sleep. Genma (slaps Ranma-male across face) : Hey Ranma, wake up... (slaps Ranma-chan across the face) You too, Ranma. Wake up. Ranma-chan and Ranma (suddenly awake) : Don't do that! (they simultaneously send Genma through the ceiling) Ranma-chan (feeling her jaw) : So, who won? Akane : You both did. It was a perfect tie. Ranma : Great... Soun : So now it's official -- you're both Ranma. Ranma : But that's ridiculous. We can't BOTH be Ranma. Soun : Why not? (both Ranmas open their mouths to say something, but it appears the question has stumped them) Right, so there you are. Now, I believe Kasumi said it was time for bed, and I'm sure that we'll be able to sort through this mess better after a good night's sleep (Soun starts to head out of the dojo) Ranma : There's just one problem. Soun (stopping) : Hm? Ranma : Where is she going to sleep? (thumbs at Ranma-chan) Ranma-chan : No, where's HE going to sleep? Ranma : I've already got a room! Ranma-chan : That's MY room! (both Ranmas begin to roll up their sleeves) (Akane shakes her head. She knows what's about to happen. Kasumi, however, decides not to let another fight to take place) Kasumi (to Ranma-chan) : You can stay in my bed tonight. I will set up a cot for myself. Ranma-chan (distracted) : Huh? Oh... no, no. I'll take the cot. You can stay in your bed. Thank you Kasumi, but I don't steal people's beds like SOME people (makes a face at Ranma. Ranma sticks his tongue out at her). (the family leaves the dojo. As she leaves, Akane remembers something and runs back inside. In the center of the dojo, untouched, is the small black incense burner. Akane picks it up and looks at it. She then begins to think about what Cologne said the day before, about how it can be a blessing for some, a torture for others, and then thinks about the two Ranmas) Akane (to herself) : I hope she's wrong, Ranma (turns out the lights and closes the dojo doors). -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= End - Part One -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Formula 119 presents... -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- R A N M A 1/2 TWO SIDES OF THE COIN Written by Benares -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Part Two (Opening scene : slowly the sun begins to rise above the cityscape of Tokyo's Nerima district, brightening everything in its path and starting the day for all sorts of people. At the Kunou mansion Kodachi is waving her father goodbye as he heads off to terrorize the students of Furinkan High School, while Tatewaki is busily practicing Kendo techniques on a tree in the yard. Ukyou is busily sweeping up the inside of her okonomiyaki shop while halfway nibbling on a pop-tart. At the Nekohanten Cologne is yelling at Mousse for mistaking the garbage compactor for the dishwasher while Shampoo is serving breakfast to a group of college students. At the Tendo house the activities of the morning have gotten into full swing -- Kasumi is cooking breakfast over a hot stove, Akane is taking in a brisk morning jog, Soun is looking over his morning paper, Nabiki is still snoring in bed, and Genma is standing outside by the carp pond debating what to do about his morning workout with Ranma... and Ranma. Both male and female Ranmas are wearing the typical red Chinese tops and black pants, and are engaged in an argument about who gets to practice with Genma) Ranma-kun : Me first! Ranma-chan : No, ME! I don't want to miss breakfast! Ranma-kun : Neither do I, you twit! Now SCRAM! Ranma-chan : That's right, keep talking and sooner or later I'm going to give you a fat lip! Ranma-kun : You and what army, shorty? Ranma-chan : Who are you calling SHORTY, you jackass?! Genma (taking about all he's willing to take and finally blowing his top) : Will you two CUT IT OUT?!!! So far you've been arguing for over an hour and now the sun has finally risen! We've NEVER practiced this late! Ranma-chan : Well, explain that to this idiot. I've been waiting as long as you have. Ranma-kun : Hey! I've had all I can take from you! First you hog the bathroom all morning, then you take my favorite shirt, and now you're determined to make me late for breakfast! Ranma-chan : I can't help it if you're a slow mover, pal! (the twosome continue to bicker. Genma sighs, shrugs his shoulders and goes inside. Eventually the Ranmas look around in surprise and discover that their father has vanished, then go back to arguing about who drove him off) Akane (jogging in the front gate drenched in sweat) : Whew! Good morning everyone! Kasumi (stepping outside and handing Akane a towel) : Hello, Akane. Did you have a good morning workout? Akane (wiping her brow) : You bet! Funny thing was that Ranma never showed up... He usually jogs close behind me telling me how slow I am (scowls). Where is the jerk, anyway? Kasumi : I think he's in the back having a discussion with himself. Akane (thinking) : Oh, that's right. How could I have forgotten about last night? (to Kasumi) Has there been any trouble with them? I mean, it must be kind of weird for them both, actually talking face to face. Kasumi : Now that you mention it, breakfast is almost ready and they haven't even begun their kenpo practice yet... Akane : Wow, that IS strange. Normally Ranma is so devoted to his workouts... I'd better have a chat with him... her... THEM. (Akane heads around the corner and catches a glimpse of the two Ranmas. Apparently since Genma left both have decided to settle their argument with their fists and are currently taking mid-air shots at each other over the carp pond. Akane watches for a moment, awed at Ranma's incredible skill in the art of Kenpo as both he and his female counterpart deflect and deliver an incredible barrage of attacks at each other while leaping from side-to-side of the pond. She wonders if she should bother them at all, when Kasumi calls everyone to the breakfast table, prompting the two Ranmas to stop their mid-air sparring and make a break for the dining room. Akane resolves to confront Ranma about this later and heads inside) Soun : I have given this incident some thought, and I have decided to accept this new Ranma into our household. Ranma-chan : What do you mean NEW Ranma?! Soun : Since we have no other rooms we will have her stay with Kasumi. Nabiki : What should we call her? Ranma-chan : Huh? Nabiki : Well, we can't go around calling you "Ranma" all the time, that would be confusing. Ranma-chan : Of course you can call me "Ranma"! That's my name! Soun : How about Ranko, like when Nodoka comes over? Ranma-chan : Hey, wait a minute! Genma : I don't know if I can support a daughter as well as a son. Ranma-kun : What difference would THAT make? You never supported me anyway. Soun : Ranma-kun, when you get to school I want you to register Ranko as your sister. Ranma-chan : My name is NOT Ranko! Nabiki : Don't forget about the dress code. You can't come to school dressed like that. Akane : But that's what Ranma, uh, the MALE Ranma always wears. Genma : Ranko, go put on one of Akane's school dresses. Akane and Ranma-chan : HEY! Genma : Ranko, as my daughter you should respect your father's wishes. Ranma-chan : MY NAME IS NOT RANKO!!! (for the next ten minutes Ranma-chan is barraged with a slew of continuous yammering from all sides. Ever so often Akane tries to interject on Ranma-chan's behalf but no one is listening. When it seems like Ranma-chan is about to go nuts from all the talking Ranma-kun stands up and slams his hands on the table) Ranma-kun : All right, that's enough! (everyone stops talking and looks at Ranma-kun. Even Ranma-chan is looking at him in surprise) We've got to go to school and if you keep up this stupid argument all of us including Ranko (Ranma-chan scowls), I mean RANMA, are going to be late! Soun (nervously) : Uh, well, I suppose we can finish this later... Ranma-chan : Like hell we are! I'll make my own decisions about my life, got it? Akane : She's right, father. You and Uncle Saotome are being too demanding on her. Soun : But-- Kasumi (cutting Soun short) : Here are your lunches. Have a good day in school (subtly maneuvers both Ranmas towards the door) Akane (to Kasumi as she leaves) : Thank you sister. (Kasumi smiles back) (Ranma, Akane , Nabiki and Ranma-chan head out the doors and walk to school. Both the Ranmas bounce up onto the fence while Akane and Nabiki continue on the ground) Ranma-chan (out of the side of her mouth) : Uh, thanks for standing up for me back there. Ranma-kun : Hmph. Don't start getting any ideas that I like you or anything. All that noise was beginning to hurt my ears, that's all. Ranma-chan : You jerk, I just thanked you! The least you could say is you're welcome! Ranma-kun (stopping) : Who are you calling jerk?! Ranma-chan : You, you JERK! Ranma-kun : You little BASTARD! (Akane and Nabiki stop and look at the two argue some more, then Nabiki decides to ignore them and heads off to school ahead of the group. Akane stays behind to make sure the two don't start any trouble) Ranma-chan : Jeeze, you're really a grade A dirtbag! Ranma-kun : At least I'm not a stuck-up pig like YOU are! Ranma-chan : BAKA!! Ranma-kun : Idiot!! Akane : Hey, you two! School starts in only five minutes, stop squabbling! Ranma-chan : Then tell this geek to get off my case and shut up. Kunou : Give it to him, my sweet pony-tailed-girl! Everyone at the same time : Huh? (the group has just noticed Kunou glomming onto Ranma-chan. Ranma-chan pries him off and lets him drop head first onto the street next to Akane, where he promptly rights himself) Kunou : HAHAHAHA!! My stealthiness has allowed me to finally catch you off guard, Saotome Ranma! You won't be able to make my darling pony-tailed girl disappear THIS time! (Kunou readies his bokken) Do not fear, my sweet. I shall soon release you from this evil wizard's bond! Ranma-chan (annoyed) : Get real, Kun-- Ranma-kun (jumping off the fence and walking right past Kunou) : Fine! If you want her so much you can HAVE her! I'm going to school. Ranma-chan : WHAT?!! Kunou (looking at Ranma-kun in surprise) : You... GIVE her to me? Without a FIGHT? Ranma-kun (running off to school) : She's all yours. Kunou (looks as though he doesn't know what to say about all this, then regains his composure and looks at Ranma-chan ) : Hmph. My presence has finally overwhelmed the simple fool. Now (put his arms around both Ranma-chan and Akane and begins to laugh maniacally) I finally have my two true loves by my side!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Akane and Ranma-chan waste no time in sending Kunou in orbit with a kick. The two girls quickly catch up to Ranma-kun proceed to pummel him) Akane (grabbing Ranma-kun by the shirt and shaking him about) : What in the world were you thinking, moron?! Ranma-kun (weakly smiling) : It was just a joke! Ranma-chan (holding Ranma-kun in a neck-lock) : It wasn't a very funny one! Ranma-kun : Alright, alright! I'm sorry, okay? I really am. Ranma-chan (letting go of his neck) : Well, I guess that's alright... Ranma-kun (getting up and putting out a hand) : No hard feelings, alright? Ranma-chan (looks at the outstretched hand dubiously, then decides to shake it) : No hard feelings... (the group runs off to school, making it in the gates just as the clock strikes 8:00 AM. Ranma-kun and Ranma-chan make a quick detour to the office to get her registered, then head upstairs to their classroom) Hinako-sensei (as Ranma-kun enters the room) : Hello, Saotome-kun. Akane tells me that we have a new student. (Ranma-chan enters the room. A loud THUMP! comes from the back of the room as Ukyou falls out of her seat) Ranma-kun : Right. This is, um... this is... Ranma-chan (stepping in front of him and introducing herself) : Hi, I'm Saotome Ranma, Ranma's, er, sister. (the class looks utterly confused) Hinako-sensei : You look familiar. Ranma-chan (nervously) : Oh? I, uh, drop by the school sometimes... To visit my brother. Ranma-kun (nervously) : Right. To visit me. Hinako-sensei : Oh... Well Saotome-kun, you may go to your seat, and you, Saotome-chan, can sit in the back next to Gosunkugi (both Ranmas take their respective seats). Hiroshi (Ranma's brown haired classmate; waits until Ranma-kun is seated) : Hey Ranma, I thought YOU were that girl. Ranma-kun : It's a long story. Sayuri (Akane's classmate with short black ponytailed hair) : Akane, you didn't tell us Ranma had a sister. Akane (nervously) : I didn't? Oh, it-it must have slipped my mind. (the first half of the day passes rather normally, although Ranma-chan has become rather annoyed since Ukyou hasn't done anything but gawk at her all morning. Eventually lunchtime comes. Immediately most of the guys in the room have surrounded Ranma-chan) Guy #1 : Hi, I'm Yusaku. Wanna go out? Guy #2 : How long have you been living here? Guy #3 : I know this great little restaurant. It's called Ma Maison. Guy #4 : Can I have your phone number? Gosunkugi : Ugh! Get off my desk! Ranma-chan (sweating) : Uh, listen, I'd love to stay and chat but I'm really late for... something. (Ranma-chan jumps straight out of her seat, flips over the crowd, and lands next to the door. Before the group can turn all the way around she's out of the room and down the hall. As she turns the corner she accidentally walks headlong into Ukyou) Ranma-chan : Oops. Sorry, Uk-chan. Ukyou (nervously) : Uh, r-right... Ranma-chan (noticing that Ukyou is becoming uneasy) : I know, this is all a little WEIRD right about now. But don't worry, this isn't going to be permanent, just until I find some kind of cure. Ukyou : Uh-huh... A cure. Ranma-chan : I AM Ranma. You know that, right? Ukyou : Of-of course. Look, I've got to be, uh, going. Ranma-chan : But-- (Ranma-chan doesn't get a chance to finish. Ukyou turns around and quickly walks down the hallway away from Ranma-chan. She just stands there confused and sighs. Ranma-chan heads out of the school and finds Ranma-kun and Akane sitting out in the open eating lunch. She sits down next to them) Ranma-chan : Well, I just had a delightful little conversation with Uk-Chan. She's completely freaked out by me. Akane (trying to be comforting) : Don't worry, Ranma. It's just going to take everyone a little while to get used to this. Ranma-kun : Yeah, it'll probably take a month or two. Ranma-chan (beginning to freak) : A MONTH or two?! No way! I'm not going to stay this way THAT long!! Ranma-kun : Just what did you plan on doing about it? Ranma-chan : I'm going to get out of this locked state, stupid. I've done it before, I can do it again. Ranma-kun : Who are you calling stupid? Ranma-chan (standing) : You, you lunkhead! Ranma-kun (standing) : You toad! Ranma-chan : Scumbag! Ranma-kun : DOG! Ranma-chan : PIG! Akane : Hey, don't start fighting again just over some silly words. Both Ranmas : Stay out of this, tomboy! Akane (standing) : WHAT?! What did you call me, you baka?! Both Ranmas (turn their full attention towards Akane) : Who are you calling baka, you (Ranma-kun) uncute (Ranma-chan) uncoordinated (Ranma-kun) poor excuse for a cook (Ranma-chan) clumsy (Ranma-kun and Ranma-chan at the same time) TOMBOY?!! Akane (flaming) : That's IT!! (Akane quickly beats up both Ranmas. SHe stomps off angrily as they both lie twisted and badly bruised in the dirt) Ranma-kun (spitting out grass) : (quietly) Tomboy... (Ranma-chan just twitches a little in agreement. As Ranma-kun starts to pick himself up Hinako-sensei walks up to the prone couple) Hinako-sensei : Saotome-chan, I must inform you that all girls must wear school regulation uniforms. Please come to school in one next time. Oh, also, you two shouldn't be playing in the mud like that. It's immature and gets you dirty and.. and... (perks up an ear. The dinging of an ice cream truck is heard coming up the street) WHEEEE!! ICE CREAM!! Oh boy oh boy oh BOY!!! (runs over Ranma-chan and knocks Ranma-kun back into the dirt face first, making for the main gates in an effort to catch the oncoming ice cream truck) Ranma-chan : I don't see how this could get any worse. (as if to add insult to injury the bell rings indicating lunchtime is over. Both Ranmas stagger back to class covered in dirt. For the rest of the afternoon the daily lessons are interrupted by the constant growling of the twosome's stomachs. After what seems like an eternity of starvation, school ends) Ranma-kun (weakly) : Foooood... Must have food... Ukyou (running up to Ranma) : Ran-chan, I couldn't help but notice you seemed hungry during class. Akane : I don't think ANYBODY could help but notice. Jeeze, Ranma, your stomach sounds like a chainsaw. Ukyou : Why don't you come over to my restaurant and help yourself to a free meal? Ranma-chan (grabbing onto Ukyou's wrist and salivating) : Oh, THANK you, Uk-Chan!! You're a godsend!! Ukyou (flinches at Ranma-chan's touch) : Uh,, well... Maybe I, uh, didn't... OH MY, I forgot... I, uh, have a dental appointment today! So sorry! (begins to pry a surprised Ranma-chan off of her) Maybe another time. (Ukyou quickly makes a break for it, running down the halls and out of sight. Ranma-kun and Akane stare in surprise. Ranma-chan just slumps her head sadly) Ranma-chan : This sucks. (Ranma-kun and Akane look at Ranma-chan, wanting to say something, but neither can think of anything reassuring to say. The group just slowly heads on home. When they finally arrive at the Tendo house Ranma-chan just walks upstairs to Kasumi's room and closes the door behind her) Akane : Poor Ranma. It must be hard on her, her best childhood friend not trusting her anymore. Ranma-kun : Yeah... I guess it would be kind of tough on her, being trapped as a woman like that. Akane : Ranma, do you think there might be SOME kind of way to turn her into a man? Ranma (looks at Akane) : What?! Akane : Well, we can't just leave her trapped like that. Ranma-kun : Hmph, I thought so... Not content with just ONE of me, now you want two. Shame on you, Akane. Akane (getting angry) : WHAT?!!! Why in the UNIVERSE would I want to be around ANOTHER pervert?! It's hard enough dealing with just one! Ranma-kun : Pervert? YOU'RE the one that wants me TWICE!! Akane (blushing) : I DO NOT!!! (about to deck Ranma, then realizes she's getting way off subject and recomposes herself) Look, Ranma, you've been trapped as a woman before, and you know how awful that feels. How do you think SHE feels, knowing that not only is she stuck as a woman, but that there's a MALE version of her walking around, too? Ranma-kun (scratching his chin and looking serious) : Hmm, I didn't think of it THAT way. Well then, what do you expect ME to do about it? Akane : I don't know, you've got a lot more experience in this matter than I do! Think of something... (Ranma's stomach growls) And get something to eat while you're at it, that noise is driving me crazy. (Ranma-chan comes down the stairs in a jacket and begins to head out) Ranma-kun : Where are you going? Ranma-chan (slipping on her shoes) : I'm going for a walk, okay? Ranma-kun (running out the door after her) : Hey, wait up! (Ranma-chan turns around and looks at him as he slips on his shoes) Come on, I'll treat you to an okonomiyaki at Uk-Chan's. Ranma-chan : I don't know. She doesn't seem to thrilled to see both of us together. Ranma-kun : I'll talk to her. You know she can't resist a request made by us (Ranma-chan laughs a little at this). (the twosome run over to Uk-Chan's. Ukyou is busy serving okonomiyaki to a few customers. She brightens up when she sees Ranma enter the store) Ukyou : Ran-cha... (Ranma-chan walks in behind him) Oh, h-hi... Ranma-chan (becoming annoyed at Ukyou's problem with her) : Short dental appointment, eh, Uk-chan? Ukyou : Y-yeah... No cavities, s-see? (points at her teeth) Ranma-kun : Uk-chan, get me an okonomiyaki please. Ukyou : Of course, Ran-chan (whips up a steaming okonomiyaki in two seconds flat. Ranma-kun hands it to Ranma-chan) Hey, that was Ran-chan's! Ranma-chan : I AM Ran-chan. Ranma-kun : Uh, Uk-chan, I need to talk with you for a sec. (holds Ukyou's arm and leads her across the shop) Over here. Ukyou (when they are out of Ranma-chan's hearing range) : Ran-chan, who, or what, IS that?! Ranma-kun : It's me. Well, sort of me. It's the same as me, just not completely the same. Ukyou (getting dizzy) : I see. Ranma-kun : I wish I could. I'm STILL confused by all of this. All I can say is that she's my female side brought to life. Ukyou : Your female side? Um, are you still cursed? Ranma-kun : Well, no, but... Ukyou : Oh Ran-chan, I'm so happy for you!! Ranma-kun : Wait a second. I wanted to talk to you about... Ukyou : This is so wonderful!! Now you can marry me without any reservations! Ranma-kun : Huh? Ranma-chan (hearing the last part) : HUH? Ranma-kun (to Ranma-chan) : Never mind that. Heh-heh... (to Ukyou) I came to talk to you about Ranma-chan! In the end she's the same person I am, just in a different body... Hey, this stuff DOES make sense after all... Uh, anyway, I would really appreciate it if you were a little nicer to her. Ukyou : But Ran-chan, she gives me the creeps! I mean, I don't want to be cruel or anything, but this curse has caused you so much pain, and I don't think I could handle seeing it follow you around like THIS. Ranma-chan : Don't bother trying to stand up for me, Ranma. She's not going to change her mind. (scowling at Ukyou) Apparently you weren't far enough out of my hearing range, Uk-cha... Ukyou. I thought that we would always be friends, but I guess you're a bigger JERK than I ever gave you credit for. Ranma-kun : Hey!! Ranma-chan : Oh, shut up!! I'm going home! (to Ukyou) Hopefully I won't have to look at your stupid pancake-flipping face again! GOODBYE!! (with that she storms out of the restaurant and slams the door behind her. Ranma and Ukyou look at her leave in surprise) Ranma-kun : I'm REALLY sorry, Uk-chan. I'm sure she didn't mea-- Ukyou : No. No, she was right, Ran-chan. That WAS stupid of me. I was saying horrible things. I'll apologize to her tomorrow in school. Ranma-kun (patting Ukyou on the shoulder) : Thanks, Uk-chan. (Ranma runs out the door and chases after Ranma-chan. Eventually he catches up with her at the bridge overlooking the river. Ranma-chan, looking utterly miserable, is tossing stones over the edge watching them PLOP in the water. Ranma-kun walks up to her) Ranma-chan (without looking at him) : I hate this curse. Ranma-kun : I know how you feel. I used to have it myself. Ranma-chan : Stop reminding me... (looks down) But now I've lost one of my best friends because of it. Uk-chan will never trust me now. None of my friends are going to trust me... Ranma-kun : Hey, don't think that way. I have a feeling that things will get better between you and Uk-chan soon. Besides (puts a hand on her shoulder), Akane and I are your friends, too. We trust you. Ranma-chan (slowly looks up at Ranma-kun and smiles) : Thanks. Thanks a lot. Ranma-kun (smiling back) : Come on, let's go home. (the two walk back to the house and arrive just as Akane is walking out of the gate. She sees the two coming and begins to tap her foot annoyed) Akane : Where have you two been? Ranma-kun : We were just taking a walk. What, did we miss something? Ranma-chan (out of the side of her mouth) : With luck she cooked dinner tonight and we've just missed it (both Ranmas begin to snicker at this). Ranma-kun (snapping his fingers) : Oh, DARN! (both Ranmas begin to laugh out loud) Akane (unamused) : Not quite... (Akane opens the door and extends an arm in an irritated display. Both Ranmas stop laughing immediately and stare in shock at the gruesome scene : the entire house is filled with banners saying "Congratulations Ranma and Akane!" Soun and Genma are dancing about happily, weeping in joy and throwing confetti. Kasumi and Nabiki are standing side by side smiling. Ranma-kun and Ranma-chan are completely flabbergasted) Soun : What a wonderful day! Now Ranma can marry Akane with a clear conscience! Ranma-kun : What IS this?! Genma : It is to celebrate the union of our two families! Ranma-chan : I am NOT marrying this violent girl! Woman's voice : Why would you want to marry Akane, Ranko? Ranma-chan : MY - NAME - IS - NOT - RANK... (Ranma-chan stops in mid-sentence as she recognizes the voice. Both she and Ranma-kun turn a pale white as they look in the direction it came from. Kasumi and Nabiki part to reveal Nodoka Saotome standing behind them. She runs up to Ranma-kun with arms extended and hugs him) Nodoka (weeping) : Oh, my son! After so many years I finally get to see you!! Ranma-kun : Uh... M-mom. Nice to see you. Wh-what are you doing here? Nodoka : Mr. Tendo called me this morning. He told me that you and Genma finally came back from your latest training adventure, so I rushed over as fast as I could. I didn't want to miss my son once again. Ranma-kun (looks at Genma. Genma widely smiles back) : What a coincidence. Nodoka : He's told me all about your training. I hear you're quite skilled at kenpo now. Nabiki : Ranma-kun is the best. He's a sure bet in a fight. Nodoka : Oh, I'm so proud of you! Now if you just had been able to avoid those cursed pools in China... (sighs and looks at Genma with a stern face. Ranma-chan and Ranma-kun turn blue and silently scream) I don't know HOW we're going to be able to live with a father that turns into a panda all the time. (looks at Ranma) Well, at least YOU didn't fall into one of those cursed pools. (both Ranmas collapse quivering. Nodoka walks over to Genma looking angry and grabs him by the shirt) What were you THINKING, taking Ranma there?! What if HE had fallen into one of those pools? Genma (very nervous) : W-well, he didn't, right...? Nodoka : No... (looks back at Ranma-chan) Ranko-chan, it's so nice to see you, again. How are you? Ranma-chan : Uh, I'm fine. Nodoka (looks back at Ranma-kun and goes to hug him again) : Now, Mr. Tendo tells me that you two are going to be married soon (leads Ranma-kun by the arm into the living room). Ranma-kun : I'm not marrying anyone! (Akane follows the two) Akane (like she doesn't care) : That's fine with me. I'm not marrying that pervert. Ranma-chan : Uh, hey... Nodoka (stops and looks back at Ranma-chan) : Yes, Ranko? Ranma-chan (stares for a second, then sighs) : Nothing... (Nodoka returns her full attention to her son. The family follows them into the living room. As Nodoka leads Ranma-kun into the living room he looks back at Ranma-chan. She is not following, but is instead just standing there with her fists clenched and her head down. Slowly Ranma-chan looks up at Ranma-kun, and as he turns the corner he flinches as his female counterpart flashes him one of the vilest, most vicious scowls he has ever seen. The group is gone, leaving Ranma-chan alone in the hallway) Ranma-chan (to herself) : I am not Ranko... (the image slowly zooms out from Ranma-chan. sounds from the family can be heard in the background, some of it Nodoka asking Ranma all about his training and his life with the Tendos. The image fades to black as Ranma-chan looks back down in sadness) -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- End - Part Two -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-